A Portland Treasure Hunt

I recently wrote a treasure hunt/bar crawl for a friend’s birthday, and I thought it’d be fun to share the full text of the clues. He was handed the first note after dinner; long dashes indicate a change of location, a short dash indicates he completed that location’s challenge. See if you can figure out where we went!

I hope that you’re happy, this dinner was fun
But boy keep your hat on cuz this night ain’t done
Don’t bottle it up, tell us all how you feel
You know all the love here tonight is too real.
Such friendship and revelry, some hint of class
But focus on reading, when you’re done I’ll ask
Where are we going, or what happens next?
I’m hoping these poems won’t leave you too vexed
Of course if they do, well I swear I won’t sneer
Just listen up now, yes please lend me your ear.
Here’s how it goes, there are two types of clues
The first’s for location, the second’s ‘to do’
That’s right there’ll be challenges, nothing too cruel
But something more sporting; perhaps like a duel!
There sure won’t be six; more like three, perhaps four!
(It’s not about words, it’s about what is poured).
I think that’s enough, but I’ll rhyme this once more
Come on, let’s go, let’s get up out the door!


I hope you don’t mind that we’re starting things slow
By the end of the night I’m sure you’ll be aglow.
With peace and with comfort, but mainly with booze
So make sure you make it, don’t dare take a snooze!
It’s time now for challenges wholesome and clean
Win and our next drink’s location you’ll glean
This time I’ll give you the freedom of choice
Just keep yourself quieted, don’t lose your voice
Pick any game here, yes you get to choose
Just make sure you win, you’ll look bad if you lose
Your opponent is anyone willing to play
Why not ask the room, you can see what we say!

God it’s been hot I’ve been frankly appalled
What really sounds nice is to cool off my balls
But golly I’m cheap, is there somewhere for me?
A place for refreshing would have to be free.
My life for a river, or maybe a pool
Anywhere, really, to cool down my jewels.


You made it again, look at you keeping up
You’re even in first, not at all runner up
This one is two-fold, the first step’s to solve
Who’s your opponent, Who else is involved?
It’s someone familiar, I promise you that;
And they only stay up through strength of their tat.
Step two is simple although though to rhyme
Just beat them at billiards; play 8-ball not nine.

Yeah you still got it, you sink balls in holes
You handled that game like you handle your goals.
But don’t get too caught up; don’t sit here and dwell
Even though honey, your game is so swell.
In fact you’re so great, you are causing a swell
But in what or who, I’m afraid I won’t tell. 😉
Our next stop is final, but it keeps with the theme
Of keeping our flirting and artwork unclean.

This clue is tricky, it’s tougher to crack
So make sure your mind gets on more than one track.


Alright, this is it, where we close out the night.
You’ve made it this far but you still have to fight
“What now?” You might ask. It’s still balls in this dome;
But this time they’re metal and shiny and chrome
Go pick any partner, find any who’ll play
But if you want challenge, pick Healy or Kay

Well done, you’ve done it, you’ve conquered the games
I hope that you found them quite fun (and not lame)
There’s just one thing left: Find the girl who had soul
But that isn’t right, no let’s try español.
Tell her this clearly (oh, this will be fun)
“It may be my birthday, but Zach’s best at puns.”

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